The Third Way

District Diaries February 2025 Edition
by Marvin Penner

I recently took part in an online seminar on “Facilitating Conflict in Congregations” by the Transitional Leaders Network <transitionalleadership.org>. The presenter, Darrin Hotte, said something that has stuck with me. He said, “Conflict can be both constructive or destructive. In the “striking together” involving a hammer, it can drive a nail or smash a thumb. One is positive and constructive, the other is unproductive and destructive.” Conflict is often experienced as having only two options, but this seminar got me thinking about a third way.

    God’s word is full of stories that seemed to only have two options until God brought about a third. Abraham and Sarah thought they had to choose between the option of having no son or utilizing concubines. God had another way. Abraham was faced with the option to disobey God or sacrifice his son. God provided a ram. Jonah choose between going to Nineveh or Joppa. God thought a third option by way of a fish was appropriate. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendigo were faced with the option to bow to Nebuchadnezzar or burn. They entered the fire but walked out untouched. Peter was sure the only two options were to follow Old Testament dietary laws or be excluded from the church. God convinced him of a more gracious understanding of the gospel.  

All of these are personal examples of the universal human condition. The options are, be holy as God is holy or face the judgment for, “The wages of sin is death…”. As far as your ability and mine, there are the only two options “…but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” No one expected that Jesus would walk out of the grave. Because He did, we still sing of the way of forgiveness that was opened to us.
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    I know these Bible stories seem remote. But what happens if we reflect on the idea that the creativity, love, and grace of God can open an unanticipated way forward in difficult times? Would it be reasonable to think of this idea as hope? Conflict can be constructive! Are you seeking a third way in the relationships where you experience friction?